So....we got a letter the other day to say my visa for the US has been approved. The next stage is an Interview, medical and criminal background check at the US Embassy in London but thats it. Just like that I am allowed to move to the States. Just like that my whole world changes. In one letter. Dont get me wrong, I am so excited about FINALLY starting my life with my husband. But does that mean im not allowed to be scared as all living hell?
So what is it I'm scared about? I have never been desperate to stay in England? I'm not really that close to my family? Truthfully, I dont know.....but I know that the anxiety in me causes me to start unneccessary fights, get teary eyed at the drop of a hat, and generally spend a good few days a month in a state of worry. If your reading this, please dont get this mixed up with me not wanting to be with my husband. I cant even begin to tell you how much I cant wait to finally start our lives together. We have done long distance for nearly 3 years now and its certainly taken its toll on us and our relationship. I figure we must be stronger than we give ourselves credit for because we have lasted this long. It seems almost surreal that before the end of the summer I will be moving to a different country to start a brand new life with my husband by my side. Thats a GREAT feeling. But does it stop me worrying and being scared? Nope. Of course not. It scares. me. to. death.
I guess alot of my anxiety is based around my job. Whats going to happen to me now I move to the states and officially enter the world of being a military wife? I love my husband more than life itself but I dont want to lose the career I worked so hard for. Of course I would do anything for James, hell I am moving 5000 miles away from my home for him, and I have NO regrets about that. It doesnt make me any less scared that the only job prospects for me are going to be working as the duty manager at McDonalds though. The mere thought gives me chills. My job, unfortunately, isnt easily transferable. I work in Television. How many cities in the US are known for producing good television. I can work that out for you - 2. NY and LA. So we are desperately trying to get Port Hueneme as our next duty station in the hope we will both be happy and content. After that? Who knows.
When I leave London will my family and friends forget me? Will I miss out on everything thats going on "back home" because I am so far away? Will anyone come and visit me? What about when we have children, will they really not know they are half English and have a family and friends in London?
I guess I have to just let fate be the teller of my destiny and ride the waves of uncertainty for a while.
I have one thing that is for certain though. My husband. He makes everything better with one look, one hug, one kiss. God I miss that man.
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